If you found one million dollars in the morning and had to spend it by nightfall, what would you do with the money?
You would think this would be so easy, spending fictional money. And yet, I am bogged down by the technicalities. First off, is this money tax free? Because if not, the first thing I am doing with it is hiring a good accountant or financial advisor to tell me how much to set aside for tax purposes. Boring, yes, but sure beats going to prison for tax evasion or the like.
Secondly, I would immediately pay off any outstanding debt. This would include writing big fat checks to pay off our mortgage and student loans. I would then purchase, in cash, a new car for each of us. We would trade in the old ones, and the new ones would be modest and practical, nothing flashy.
Since I have to spend the money all in one day, I would probably next go to Giant Eagle and spend 100,000 on straight giftcards. That way I can take the time to use them on the things we really need over the coming months instead of purchasing frivolous impulse buys. I can later use these to purchase gifts, groceries, sundries, and any "fun" purchases (like books and board games). I would also use my Advantage Card and rack up some sweet Pump Perks.
The rest of the money (which if we are accounting for taxes would be about $300,000; if no taxes {which would be AWESOME} about $800,000) would be used to purchase a diversified portfolio of stocks, both high and low yield bonds, and CDs. The reason for this highly pragmatic and boringly conservative action is because, ultimately, I would want to purchase another home in a major city (NYC or Seattle, how are YOU doin?). But this would require time, research, and a level head.
This may seem like the most boring response ever. I mean, I am given fictional money to spend and I am so ridiculously practical. But, for me, this is not about the actual money. It is about security. In such unstable economic times, long term security is worth more to me than a flashy car, designer clothes, a new iPhone, and the like. And if I can somehow spend that money in a way that eventually will make me a little bit of interest, well, all the better.
And you can bet your buttons that interest will be used to take John Roderick, John Hodgman, Neil Gaiman, and David Tennant out to dinner, and then I will buy about 10 more wiener dogs. After all, a girl has to have a *little* bit of fun.
