Tiffany's Soapbox: Inbox Zero

By now, the term "inbox zero" is a buzzword in tech and social media circles.  The first time I ever heard about it was from Merlin Mann, who was the first person talking about it, and he first started talking about it years ago.  The idea is that people need to reclaim their lives, and their email.  By having your inbox consistently having zero messages in it, you have nothing hanging over your head.  All things are in their proper places, and dealt with in a timely manner.  Merlin Mann's original ideas had a lot of depth, and wisdom.  I could never ever be mad at Merlin Mann, he is simply too awesome.

However, this idea has been morphed into several phone applications that promise to lead you to the land of the mythical inbox zero, and in the process a lot of Merlin's original wisdom has been glossed over.  For example, the Mailbox app has been raising a lot of eyebrows, and claims it will have you "winning at email" in no time.  First off, can we let the whole "winning" thing die already?  No?  Ok.  Moving on.  In order to download the Mailbox app, you had to wait in a virtual que with other potential users.  When I signed up, there were over 600,000 people ahead of me in the virtual que.  My place in line moved about 15,000 spots a day.  Finally after waiting over a month, probably close to six weeks, my turn to become a Mailbox user came this week.

Guess what?

I hate it.  First off, it only works with gmail, from what I can tell.  While this is primarily what I use, I do have other email addresses as well.  Second, all of the preset filters and folders I created in gmail do not show up. Instead, all my old emails are archived (without being organized).  And the solution to getting to inbox zero is basically to have messages delayed until you are willing to deal with them.  There is a "later" option that lets you determine how long you want to delay them.  You can also make lists to add emails to to sort them and get them out of your inbox.  But that is what I already did by having filters and folders set up in gmail.  I was so annoyed that I gave up on the app completely.  In fact these issues I state may be easily fixed, I was just too annoyed to bother.  It just seemed like it was not going to work for me.

Here is the rub: if I delete the app, I have to start all over in the virtual que.  So, instead, I kept the app, but do not use it.  How crazy is that?  It has actually made my email more complicated!

This app may be great for business people, who live and die by email.  However, for the everyday man on the street, I am not sure this is a real solution.  This version of inbox zero, taking emails and delaying them or shoving them, unanswered, into lists, just to have an empty inbox?  It sounds like a five year old pushing their toys under the bed and claiming to have cleaned their bedroom.

I will stick the system I already have.  Until the next big thing comes along of course.

Tiffany' Soapbox: Parents in Public

It has been quite some time since I had a reason to get on my soap box.  Not because things did not get my ire up, but mostly because I have been to busy doing fun, happy stuff to dwell on any unpleasantness.  But I saw something on Saturday that really broke my heart, and has been weighing on me ever since.  So, I decided to sound off about it.


On Saturday, I was working with a friend who was an exhibitor at a mall.  You know, those little tables/booths you sometimes see selling specialty items?  Yeah, that was us.  So, we spent the entire day watching people at the mall.  Mostly benign, until I saw the following unfold.

A woman was walking along with her daughter (or so I presumed, turns out I was correct).  They were both fashionably dressed, carrying shopping bags full of stuff.  The woman stopped walking near a storefront, Yankee Candle, because she was talking on her iPhone.  It was clearly an unpleasant conversation, one that was getting progressively louder.  As the conversation went on, it became clear that she was fighting.  With the father of her children.  About money.  Not only was she doing this in public, she was doing it in front of her child.

The little girl was clearly humiliated.  She was hiding behind her mother, and pulling her hair to cover her face.  The mother was complaining about how much money she had to spend to get the kids prepared for the start of school.  She emphasized several times that she spent $40 on  a backpack for the little girl.  She was also chastising the dad for not being the one to spend the money.  Then she began complaining about the  weekends he was supposed to have visitation, and blew the kids off for his friends.

At this point, the girl silently slunk away from her mom, into a different store a couple of storefronts down from where her mom was.  But mom was too busy fighting with dad about the fact that she was a superior parent to even notice (how is that for irony).  She finally, loudly, ended the conversation by saying that the dad should continue spending his money on himself, and when his son fails in school because he cannot see the board due to not getting eyeglasses, he would be to blame.  The mom then stormed into Yankee Candle, oblivious to the fact that her daughter was gone.  It took her a full 5 minutes to notice.  And when she did notice, the first thing she said when she found the girl was "How could you do that to me?".  Once again, she was the victim.

I find so much wrong with this situation.  I am quite sure that this mother was frustrated, and perhaps had a valid and legitimate reason to have the above described discussion with the father of these kids.  But not in public.  In general, I find it in bad taste and highly uncomfortable when couples fight in a public setting.  Is it really that hard to say "We need to talk about this, but this is not the time or place.  We will discuss this in private."?

The bigger problem, I think, was her having this discussion in front of one of her children.  Perhaps this guy is a total crap father, but does her daughter really need to hear all that?  I am sure the girl has enough issues if the dad is as absent as the mother claims; listening to her mother complain about having to spend money on the kids is sure to create a feeling of guilt and it was creating obvious shame.  Perhaps this is the therapist in me talking, but people wonder why kids have self esteem issues, and become bullies.  This is a part of the problem.  If this woman was willing to have this conversation in public, my guess is she has the same one in front of her kids at home pretty frequently.  And I am not saying she does not have the right to feel frustrated or voice those frustrations.  I just think she should not do it in front of her kid.  The woman was too wrapped up in being the "better" parent to actually be a good parent.

I know plenty of parents who have these situations.  Absent parents, absent partners, both male and female. And the vast majority of the ones I know handle the situations with class and grace.  It is bad enough seeing your kid disappointed by their dad or mom and feeling helpless about it.  I am sure it creates fury.  And rightly so.  But sound off to your friends, or adult family members, not your kids.  The kids are hurting enough.

The unintentional message in this situation was "Daddy does not love you enough to buy your backpack, so Mommy has to do that.  And now I am mad because I have $40 less to spend on overpriced candles".  No wonder the girl slunk away.  I have a feeling she will be slinking all the way to a therapists office in a few years.

Tiffany's Soapbox: The Glee Project

So, remember when I said I was kind of over Glee.  Turns out I was wrong.  And you know how I say I don't like reality tv?  Well, wrong there too.  So put those two things together, and you get something I surprisingly care about more than most tv shows: The Glee Project.

This is a reality tv competition where contenders battle it out for a spot on the next season of Glee.  I am not going to recap the whole season or all the ins and outs, if you want that, you will have to look elsewhere.  What I am going to do is say that I really hope Lindsay Pearce is not the winner.  Now before I get all kinds of hate mail from the Pearcling fans, let me explain.  It is not because I dislike her (though I am rooting for Damian), and it is not because she comes across poorly in the show (there is an unlikely possibility that is due to editing).  I am basing this completely on what I see her tweeting.

Sure, she is all rainbows and smiles to her fans and those who worship at the throne of her musical theater greatness (the girl is talented, no question, and does have an amazing life story).  But to her detractors, those who favor the other contenders, she is rude, argumentative, and behaves more like a 12 or 13 year old than a 19 or 20 year old.

 Despite the fact that these tween and teen tweeps dislike her, they often love Glee, so she is serving to alienate a chunk of a very fickle demographic.  I get that she wants to defend herself, but signing the tweets "later hater" is not something you are apt to see any other Glee cast member do.  I would imagine they are groomed in the ways of PR, and taught to take the high road.

So, my point is, I really hope that Linsday did not win, both for her sake and the sake of Glee's ratings.  Because if she DID win, and no one is helping to groom this young starlet in the ways to wisely use social media to build and support a fan base as oppose to alienate it, if they are allowing a Glee cast member to act this way, well, I predict she will act out in other ways as well, and it will affect the quality of the show.

Perhaps I am reading too much into what I see here, but I honestly feel bad that no one is helping her, teaching her to pick her battles, and not battle in a way that can last forever in the form of a screen shot.

I do not dislike her, as I do not know her personally.  I simply dislike where I think this could lead.  She is, in essence, a kid, and I think she needs direction if she wants a long lasting professional career.  I think it is sad when virtual fighting becomes the norm.  But let's face it, show biz is tough, so she better get a thick skin and learn to ignore this stuff.  Otherwise, she will become the Rashard Mendenhall of Glee.

Later haters.

Tiffany's Soapbox: Summer's Eve

When I was a child, we had an elderly neighbor named Edna Bigly.  It seemed to me she was ancient, but in reality, she was probably about 80.  We would visit her often, and I remember a story about her once telling my mom how disgusting television commercials were.  She specifically disliked the commercials for Summer's Eve, and said that those women did not need to be talking about washing their vaginas on television.  Back then, I found this hilarious and prudish.  But today, I join the ranks of Edna Bigly.

I think the new Summer's Eve ad campaign is disgusting, and completely objectifying of women.  The commercial is slick, and of high production quality.  It features women from different historical time periods, and talking about this thing being the cradle of life, the center of civilization, a thing fought and died for by many men and perhaps the most powerful thing on earth.  Then it cuts to a woman buying douche and says, so show it some love ladies.  The catch phrase at the end is  "Hail to the V". Um, what?  So, the thing that rules the world is vagina?  All women really are is a vagina, in other words.

What marketing director okays a message like that, when your entire customer base is female?  Apparently the same one that uses racial stereotypes, and suggest a campaign that indicates a fresh douching will give you the confidence to ask your boss for a raise.

I find the whole premise of this ad campaign disgusting.  I get that your products are geared towards the lady zone, but come ON.  You pretty much just set the woman's movement back an entire millenia.  I am sure some feminists love this campaign, and see it as women owning their sexuality.  But to me, I think it is just the opposite, with women being treated as sexual objects.  And, ew, get that grossness off of my television thanks.  I know this makes me sound old and cranky.  I rarely watch tv, and when I do, it is usually dvred, so I skip commercials.  A recent heat wave, however, has me parked in front of my tube in the air conditioning, and I am simply appalled at what I see.  I am sure it does not help that I have been watching a lot of WE, Bravo, and Oxygen.

To be fair, these are not the only commercials I find gross.  The new Huggies commercial, where the little boy urinates all over the room is awful, as is the Luvs commercial where cartoon babies are in diaper filling contest while the song Poop There It Is plays in the background.

So why the graphic grossness about sensitive bodily parts and functions?  I attribute it to the social media age, where anyone can, and most usually do, share any and every intimate detail of their lives, including things about their vaginas or bowel movements.  People forget to filter themselves, and now that is apparently the accepted mode of operation, even in the marketing world.  Well, get it off  my television.  And get off my lawn.

Tiffany's Soapbox: Let little girls be little girls

Sexualizing children is nothing new. But it never ceases to be highly troublesome to me.  Back when Britney Spears first started sexing things up, I found it uncomfortable that little girls were emulating her overt sexuality.  What ever happened to little girls looking like little girls, and not tramps in training? The same effect can be seen with the millions of Mylie fans.  I get that these "music artists" (I use the term lightly) are trying to break out of their little girl molds, and be taken seriously, but when you pander to the pre-pubescent market for years, then suddenly go all spongebob slut pants, little girls are still going to be looking up to you, following your lead.  The result is a bunch of girls, too young to even be considered tweens, who start to think their body is the only way to catch a person's attention.

I remember a while ago, when a youtube video surfaced of a dance troup of 7 year old girls gyrating to All The Single Ladies.  There was public outcry that the dancing was too sexual, but many are defending it, saying that is just how dance competitions are.  Should dance competitions be encouracing little girls to grind their hips, while wearing fishnet stockings and barely more than a bikini? The world is full of very sick and twisted people, and I think it is frighteningly easy for these little girls to get exploited.  That video is a prime example.  To locate it, I googled "controversial little girls dance".  There it was, first listing, but there were others of girls dancing, as well as videos of so many people saying, it was just taken out of context.  I say, change the context.

The list goes on and on for me.  Little girls painted up in beauty pageants.  Revealing Halloween costumes for little girls.  Sexy clothes for pint sized fashionistas.  It scares me.

The latest thing to spark controversy is the fact that Abercrombie and Fitch is now pitching padded and push up bikini's for the 7 year old set.  Is it any wonder girls have so many body issues?  Is it any wonder eating disorders, cutting, and teen pregnancies are starting younger and younger?

While in all these cases, the girls may not be doing anything wrong, you have to, as a parent, be concerned with how others will perceive the girls. These are children, helpless to defend themselves from potential pedophiles.

Why be in such a hurry for your little girl to grow up? The world can be a scary place, why not keep her innocent for as long as you can?

Tiffany's Soapbox: The "reality" version of weight loss

I have never been a huge fan of reality television.  I will occasionally get sucked into a few shows, but never any of the ones involving competition.  They are ok, I just do not like them.  Except there is one subspecies of reality tv competitions that I absolutely abhor: weight loss competitions.  They come in many different forms, from Biggest Loser to Celebrity Fit Club.  And I. Hate. Them. All.

But this is not blind hatred, oh no.  I definitely have my reasons.  I think these shows are a slap in the face to any and every single person who attempts to lose weight.  Because these show manipulate reality.  First off, it seems like these contestants lose ridiculous amounts of weight during a week.  Former contestants have come forth to state that what was intended to represent a week in real life is not an actual 7 day period of filming.  So, they may take 2 weeks of film, and compress it for an episode to appear as a week.  Hence, people lose 10 or more pounds from one episode to the next.  In reality, losing that much weight in a 7 day period is NOT healthy.  And when "normal" people cannot attain that rapid weight loss, they get frustrated and give up.

Also, segregating contestants from everyone else in the world for weeks, where their only focus is exercise and a precise diet is not preparing them for the real world.  What happens to that person when they work forced overtime for a week and can't get to the gym.  What happens to that person when they go to a party with all unhealthy foods.  Teaching diet and exercise is wonderful, but do it in a way that is applicable to the real world,  not the reality show eutopian bubble in which the contestants exist.

And people say, but these shows are supervised by doctors.  Well, come on, you think those doctors are not getting paid?  And just because someone is a doctor, that does not make them ethical, or above the allure of reality show fame.  After all, Michael Jackson got his drugs from a doctor too.

The newest show in this vein is called Shedding for the Wedding, and it is couples competing to see who can lose the most weight before their wedding.  The winner gets the wedding of their dreams.  This makes me so sad.  These women probably feel horrible about themselves, and the couples that lose will probably not even enjoy their weddings as much as they would have, had they never gone on the show.  Trying to lose weight for your wedding is wonderful, but I think the show degrades these couples.  Why not focus on something more important, like preparing for your marriage?

I am all for people trying to lose weight to improve their health and self esteem.  But if you want inspiration, read about a woman named Kelli Mapes, instead of watching this trash.

Tiffany's Soapbox: Drama Queens

Note: This is the first installment of a new series where I sound off about things that bother me, annoy me, or are just plain ridiculous.  I try to keep this blog positive, but we all need to sound off at times.  Feel free to disagree with me, but please keep it respectful.

Normally, I try to keep the blog free of offensive words, and maintain a family friendly atmosphere, so I will warn you up front, this post will contain harsher language than normal, but it serves a purpose, so I hope you keep reading.  There is something that has been troubling me for a while now, and it is the increased level of drama that occurs with teens and tweens, particularly young girls.

When I was young, if you fought with your friend/parents/boyfriend, you handled it by either writing in a journal, or confiding in another friend, crying over pizza, and maybe making a few prank calls to the boy involved.  Only the really "bad" girls fought in public, and most girls kept things private, and dignified.  Your dignity was often all you had, particularly when suffering a bad break up.  Today, whenever anything happens, from a broken nail to cheating mate, it is splashed across social networking sites and texted at the speed of light.  Nothing is sacred, nothing is private, and young girls no longer have dignity.

What is it about our culture that is teaching young girls that it is ok to engage in this ridiculous drama, to post semi nude or scantily clad pictures of their teenage bodies online, to call each other bitches and whores, to hand out meaningless sex acts to random people as casually as they do their phone numbers, and to publicly broadcast "FML" everytime they do not get their way?  I cannot help but think that reality tv shows like Teen Mom, Jersey Shore, Bad Girls Club, and countless others contribute to this behavior.  These shows all feature young girls in ridiculous drama filled lives, and not only are they encouraged to behave this way, but behaving this way makes them famous, and sometimes wealthy.

The part I find even more disturbing is when parents not only encourage such behavior, and support their daughters decisions to act this way, but when they act this way themselves.  What in the world possesses grown adult women to say mean and hurtful things about CHILDREN on sites like facebook and twitter?  Yes, parents are entitled to form opinions, but I think those discussions should be held in your personal, offline life.  And yes, any parent wants to defend their children, but why not teach our girls to have the dignity to walk away from these situations, instead of perpetuating them?

I think that the encouragement of this culture of drama is going to end up hurting women in the long run.  As women, we have fought so hard to be seen as equals, to be allowed to serve in the military, to have the right to vote, to earn equal pay.  Now, people are going to stop taking us seriously, and will once again begin labeling us "hysterical females".

I am not sure what the answer is, other than for us as women to start promising ourselves to treat each other with more dignity and respect, and instill that same idea in our daughters.  Chose dignity over drama.  We all will be better for it.