Cartoons by Hubby: Cyber Monday

The Backstory:
It is Cyber Monday, the big day of online holiday bargains.  My email has been bombarded since 4 am with bargains and deals, which is awesome, except... my shopping is done.  So, thanks but no thanks.

Early this morning, I posted these sentiments on Facebook, and less than an hour later, I got this amazing cartoon from Hubby.  For those who do not know, it is an homage to Doctor Who.

You're Welcome.

Cartoons by Hubby: Hitler's Furries

"Um...this is awkward."

The backstory:  Last week, over on my book blog, I reviewed a book titled "Hitler's Furies: German Women in the Nazi Killing Fields".  It was an excellent book, bringing to light an aspect of the Holocaust that no one wants to consider; how many women were involved in the Nazi death machine.  So, I read the book, reflected on it, and wrote a thoughtful review.  As I always do, I shared the link on various social media outlets, including my Twitter account.  Several hours later, I got a text message from Hubby that said:

"You may as well have reviewed a book titled Hitler's Furries, because that is what I see every time I read the real title."

To which I replied:

"I humbly request a cartoon pictorial representation of your alternate title of the book."

This is what I got.

Cartoons by Hubby: The Beans Got Burned

The Backstory: I had a bit of a cooking catastrophe today, which is pretty rare for me.  I wanted to make black beans as part of dinner.  I had dried beans, but forgot to soak them overnight.  However, I know you can cook them in the pressure cooker without soaking them first, you just need to cook them a little longer.  Apparently, I judged poorly.  The beans burned, and charred bean residue was stuck inside my pressure cooker.  Hubby had a unique suggestion on how to clean it.  A suggestion, as I pointed out, that could have messy consequences.  As a result, he drew an entire comic strip dedicated to the Burned Bean Issue of 2013.

Cartoons by Hubby: Knock Knock

"Knock knock.  Can I invite you to a nightmare?"

The backstory: I suffer from bouts of terrible insomnia.  And right now I am in the midst of a terrible bout of it, due to a recent uptick in my coffee consumption.  I toss and turn, and I am always worried I will disturb Hubby once he is asleep.  So, it is not uncommon, once Hubby is off in dreamland, for me to go downstairs to read, watch Netflix, or play video games.  Last night was one of those nights, and I tried reading in bed, but I just was not getting sleepy.  I ended up going downstairs, piddling around, and lying on the couch to read.  I fell asleep on the couch, book in hand, sometime after 2 am.  Apparently, at some point, one of the dogs started tapping their nails on the bottom of the crate, and the light tap tap tap made its way into my dreams, spawning a nightmare.  I dreamed that someone was tapping on our door in the middle of the night, and getting no answer, they opened the door and walked into the house.  In the nightmare, I was lying on the couch and the intruder rushed over to me, presumably to do me harm, and it was at that time I noticed that the intruder had the body of a man, in an army coat, but the head of a dog.  It was terrifying, and I literally had to shake myself awake.

Hubby found the whole thing so humorous, he decided to represent my dream in cartoon form.

So.... sweet dreams.

Cartoons By Hubby: Midlife Mysteries

"Nancy Drew and the Case of the

WHAT THE HELL WAS I SUPPOSED TO PICK UP AT THE STORE"

Backstory: This morning before leaving for work, Hubby mentioned that he was going to stop at the store, as we needed sandwich bags for his lunch and garbage bags.  Hubby was insistent that there was some other dry good type thing we needed to get.  I ran through the basics (paper towels, toilet paper, laundry soap, etc.) and with each suggestion, we discussed how we had plenty of that item, so it must be something else.  He was thoroughly frustrated that he could not remember.

Around noon, he texted me and said "Kitty litter is the mystery item we need".  I congratulated his discovery, to which her replied (I am paraphrasing) he would like to see that no good so and so Nancy Drew figure that  out any faster.

Thirty minutes later, he sent me the drawing.  This is what almost-middle-aged people do.

Cartoons by Hubby: Parsley

"Elvis Parsley"

Backstory:  We have a whiteboard in our kitchen, which we rarely use for its intended purposes.  We originally put it up to jot notes to each other when we would not be home at the same time, or to write things we needed to pick up at the store.  The other day, I wrote the word "parsley" on the board, so I would remember to pick some up on my next grocery run.  We picked some up on Saturday while out and about, but I never erased it.  Hubby decided to embellish it for me, and suddenly we have "Elvis Parsley".  The funniest thing is he never told me he did it, he just allowed me to find it on my own, as I stood in the kitchen laughing like an idiot.  This is exactly why I love him.

Cartoons by Hubby: Occupy Lunch

The Backstory: As many people in my part of the world do, we had pork and saurkraut for New Years.  We had leftovers, and I did not want them, so hubby has happily been eating them.  I suggested that he take the rest as his lunch today.

He informed me that the pork to saurkraut ratio was not optimal, and there was hardly any pork left.  He then went on about the elitist pork and informed me that the saurkraut was the 99%.  So here you have it, the 99% kraut protesting.  Occupy Lunch.

Cartoons by Hubby: My Strange Addiction

My Strange Addiction

The Backstory:  There is a weird t.v. show called My Strange Addiction, about people who are addicted to doing strange things, and often more specifically, eating weird things.  Like chalk, cleaning fluid, or couch cushions.  In the one season, a woman is eating her husband's cremains.  Sort of makes the idea of eating yellow pellets, bouncing cherries, and neon blue ghosts seem normal, right?

Cartoons By Hubby: I Been Sleep

Dammit Chloe, I been sleep!

The Backstory: One of my secrets is that I love trashy television shows, despite how damaging I think they can be on our culture and particularly young girls' views of themselves.  Things like Bridezillas, Bad Girls Club, and America's Next Top Model, where you have a mix of prim and proper English and colloquialisms and slang being spoken by girls from different walks of life.  Usually, as the shows get trashier, the grammar gets worse and the slang increases.  The other night, I was watching a Bad Girls Club marathon, in preparation for the new season starting.  During one particular episode, Hubby sat on the couch next to me to cuddle, and witnessed a scene which left him confused.  In the scene, 6 of the girls in the house were drinking and laughing, being a bit loud and generally causing a boozy ruckus.  The 7th girl, who had been in bed, got up and flipped out on the others, throwing punches and screaming things like "I been sleep.  When I be sleep, you need to respect that I be sleep.  You so rude, I BEEN SLEEP".  Notice she never said we is, was, or had been asleep, the proper adverb form, but instead says she simply is or was or had been sleep, which is a noun.

Hubby kept asking me "how can she be sleep?".  I went on to explain that this is a common slang way of saying that one had been asleep.  He said he had never heard this before, and I replied that clearly, he was not watching enough trashy television, as I was quite familiar with the saying, no matter how much it made my ears bleed to hear it.

Today, he sent me a text message that said "Hey.... I be sleep".  Then, I commissioned a cartoon depicting this.  He surpassed even my greatest expectations.  

(for those not in the know, Chloe is our youngest dachshund puppy, who likes to squeak all hours of the night and wake him up.  I miraculously sleep through it 99% of the time)

Cartoons By Hubby; Lachrymose Leprechaun

Happy St. Patrick's Day

Lachrymose Leprechaun: Mo Money Mo Problems

The Backstory: Hubby and I both woke up at 5:30 thanks to a couple of fussy dogs.  Once Chloe and Dexter went out, came back in, and settled down, we were both pretty much awake.  So, I made a pot of coffee, and Hubby and I got to drink a cup together before he left for work.  He then walked into the kitchen, and decided to draw on the white board.  I asked, while he was drawing, if that was a leprechaun.  He replied, yes, but I am not sure why he is so sad.  He thought a moment, then drew the gold, and added the thug creed: Mo Money, Mo Problems.

A lachrymose leprechaun.  That's so gangsta.

Cartoons By Hubby: Red Velvet

"I was hoping for chocolate peanut butter, but at least it's better than raspberry cheesecake."

Backstory:  In the area that we live, the gas station/ convenience store/ late night food outlet of choice is Sheetz.  Their food, while overpriced, is somewhat addictive.  Hubby particularly loves their donuts.  And a few weeks ago, he was over the moon to find out the next limited edition donut was going to be chocolate peanut butter.  The man loves anything peanut butter flavored.  If I found peanut butter flavored mushrooms, he might even love those, and the man HATES mushrooms.  So, needless to say, the upcoming flavor made him happy.  And he, foolishly I guess, assumed that the new flavor would start at the beginning of the new month.  So, March 1 rolls around, and into Sheetz he trots, only to have his hopes dashed.  The special flavor is still the one from February, which is red velvet.  Now, he does not mind red velvet, but it is no chocolate peanut butter.

He was disgusted at Sheetz flagrant disregard for the will of the customers.  I explained, perhaps they need to sell the stock of red velvet before they can move on.  His solution was to give the extra red velvet donuts to, and I quote, "the widows and orphans."  I laughed at how old fashioned that sounded, and suggested he get them some molasses, sorghum, and horehound candy as well.

So, when, on March 2nd, the red velvet donuts were still at Sheetz, he said, "looks like the orphans get to have red crumble on their porridge for another night'.  And that is what is depicted in his cartoon.

We have terribly odd senses of humor.

Cartoons By Hubby: The Gender of Bananas

The backstory:  Last night, Hubby and I were eating a snack, and afterwards, I was still hungry.  I said I was going to have a banana, because they were sitting on the counter, tempting me like the trampy little vixens that they are.  Hubby then declared that bananas are masculine, not feminine, and that everyone know this.  When I asked why he thought this, he indicated the phallic nature of their shape.  I in turn noted that the curve of a banana could also resemble the curve of a female bosom, and therefore the banana was feminine, and not masculine.  He declared this flawed logic.

Earlier that night, we had been discussing potential titles for a project Hubby is working on, so I ended our current discussion by saying Hubby should name said project "The Gender of Bananas, and Other Things I Ponder".  He said this was a bad idea, as it might attract the wrong kind of attention.

And then today, he sent me this cartoon.

There is something really wrong with us.

Cartoons by Hubby: Unfortunate Shorts

The Most Unfortunate Shorts Ever- An Artist's Rendition

Backstory: While Denny, Paul, Hubby, and I were at the Rita's near Denny and Paul's townhouse, we saw the man with the most unfortunate shorts ever.  They were meant to sort of tropical or something, a lightish colored cloth with palm trees on them.  However, the palm trees were brown, and there was a large palm tree spread across the seat of the shorts.  So, basically, it looked as if the man had explosive diarrhea, and was too enamored of Rita's Ice to even care.

As we left the parking lot, safely out of the man's earshot, Hubby says to me, is that man wearing shorts, or sharts?

How could I not love him?

Cartoons by Hubby- Get Well Soon

Get Well Soon

Pencil Monster hopes you feel better soon.

Backstory: This is actually an old cartoon Hubby drew a while back while at work feeling bad because I was sick. I found it today while going through old files. As I am sick once again, with the worlds worst cold, I found it to be apropos.

Cartoons by Hubby- Narcoleptic Danny Kaye

Narcoleptic Danny Kaye

"Dex! Wake up! You're on in five!"

Backstory: I told Hubby that Dex is fussy today. He asked what he was doing. I explained that he was doing this little tap dance deal in his crate like he wanted out, but as soon as I would get him out all he wanted to do was sleep. Hubby then called him a Narcoleptic Danny Kaye. The cartoon soon followed.

Cartoons by Hubby- Dachshund Choir

Dachshund Choir

"I pissed a river and pooped a log"

Backstory: Over the weekend, while driving through Maryland, Hubby asked me "Do you remember the time you took Dexter out to potty and I asked how he did, and your response was he peed a river and pooped a log?" to which I answered yes (potty training pet parents talk about these things, don't judge me). He then said "Is it wrong that I made up a Gospel type song about that?". Oh my word. I then made him sing it to me. All I can say is wow. I then (no joke) apologized to Jesus, then thought about it some more and said, hey your sense of humor was a gift from God, so he must have a sense of humor too. After that, we broke into the song multiple times on the trip (again, don't judge me). So this morning, I woke up to find this adorable dachshund choir singing praise in my kitchen. Enjoy. I sure do.

Cartoons by Hubby- Party Rex

Party Rex

"Crunk"

Back story: T-rex likes to get crunk.

Cartoons by Hubby- Teacups

A new series featuring cartoons by Hubby and a short explanation of them.

Teacups

"DO NOT EAT PLATES.....or this may happen to you"

The back story:
Last night, Hubby and I were talking about what a little chubbs our dog can be, as he gobbled his doggy ice cream. Hubby said "If we would let him, he would eat right off of out plates", and I said "If we let him, he would probably eat the plates too". To which Hubby replied "And then he would poop out teacups."

So when I got back from dropping our cat off at the vet, this was on our white board.